More college students are choosing to live with their parents.
The assumption that every college freshman moves into a tiny dorm room, leaving parents and old friends behind in one fell swoop isn’t all that accurate. In 2015, 41.5 percent of parents of a college student said their child will be living at home, according to a National Retail Federation survey.
Quinn Favilla and her sister, Reed, residents of East Islip, both lived at home with their parents while attending Suffolk County Community College.
“My parents had always been very trusting but once I started college, their roles changed a bit as they gave me more freedom to pursue my interests and make my own choices. They were there for me but more for support, guidance and advice,” says Quinn, who graduated Suffolk in 2014 and transferred to Stony Brook University to pursue a bachelor’s degree in mathematics.
“They were less about rules and more about giving us the space to grow as a person,” adds Reed, who began attending Farmingdale State College’s School of Nursing in spring 2016. Both sisters continue to live at home.
“When kids become college students, parents’ roles change and they become trusted consultants rather than enforcers,” says Christine Schelhaus-Miller, co-author of a book for the parents of new college students titled Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money.
“That’s relevant whether children are living at home or away at college,” she adds.
Why stay with your parents while in college?
Save money: This is probably the number one reason students decide to stay with their parents. Face it, living in a dorm or apartment costs money — anywhere from $8,003 to $11,516 a year based on surveys by the College Board.
Stay connected: In a 2014 survey of college freshmen at four-year universities, about 34.6 percent “felt overwhelmed” by schoolwork and other commitments. How nice to have a familiar place to come home to while you’re adjusting to the new demands of college classes, studying and making new friends.
Save hassles: No strange roommates, no tiny bunk beds, no need for quarters for laundry, no dorm food, no community showers. While it can be fun and liberating to move away from home and live on your own, dorm life just isn’t for everyone.
What’s different now?
Parents should talk with students about how the house rules will change now that they are in college. “It is harder for parents to stop managing their child’s life at home,” says Schelhaus-Miller. “So you need to work hard to be conscious of their new role and to negotiate new boundaries.”
On the flip side, students may have to do more for themselves. They may be expected to pay rent, cell phone bills or their share of food costs.
“Before problems arise, parents and students should have a conversation in which they share their expectations regarding finances, curfews and hours, use of the car, responsibilities and chores at home, etc.,” says Schelhaus-Miller. “My advice would be for students and parents to make their expectations clear to each other, now that the student is in a new stage of life.”
– Mary M. Feder
